Last night, my friend had the gall to ask when my last date was. (RUDE)
Um. Well. A few weeks ago, I dropped my best friend off at her date. And then went to have dinner with my gay friend. Does that count?
Ok, so my love life is in a state of non-existence. It's not like I choose to apparently attract douchebags and old-man creepers. But yes, it is annoying. Especially since everyone seems to be unnecessarily concerned.Even my little brother told me that I should get a boyfriend soon, because 'now it's just getting weird.' Thanks bro, I'll keep that in mind. (That was two years ago. Not much has changed.) Except, of course, yesterday's marriage proposal from the 18-year-old parking structure attendant. Awesome.
My mom even went so far as to reference a supermarket check-out dude in one of these conversations. "He was a nice, good-looking guy!" "HE WAS BALDING AND WEARING AN ORANGE VEST, MOM." I have invested a lot of time, energy and money into my education, appearance, and personality and would like more than a decent return, thank you.
Until then, I will be right here. On the couch. With my muumuu. And cats. F♥rever.
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5 weeks ago
Before I write this, let me just say:
ReplyDeleteLET THE WILD RUM-UH, COMMENTING, BEGIN!!!
I'm officially poppy the cherry of my contribution to the masterpiece that is your blog.
Now that I've gotten that out of my system...
My Darling Stacie,
While I agree that the quality of men is indeed too low for a human being as close to perfection as yourself (yes, dear stalkers who are currently reading this, I'm obsessed with her, lay off), and 97% are waaaaay too short for the both of us, there are several points in this post I am rather wary of.
Firstly, "several weeks" = a month, and secondly, I'm quite offended that you are referring to my future husband as a homosexual. I will refrain from going into detail and give you the benefit of the doubt. Remember, there's always match.com. Unless of course you put your faith into my crafty little hands and let me find you a real man!
...Okay fine, I can't keep it from you any longer. I have already gone ahead and scouted a winner and I'll even give you a hint about who the Ken to your Barbie is in 3 simple words:
Ballet. Hispanico. Co-Chair.
You're welcome.
Love always,
Julia xx
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAA.
ReplyDeleteI know, I know. It seemed more effective for all those who don't know us to go with 'gay friend.' Because it seemed a bit long when I wrote 'dinner with my best guy friend, my former roommate and her boyfriend.' And basically, it was crucial to the status of my love life status dinner with a gay friend would be. Haha I wouldn't dare insinuate that your future husband is gay, I'm merely trying to keep things concise. (for my many, many readers obviously.) LOLOL
AND.
I hate you for your Ken suggestion. If he is the Ken to my Barbie, I officially throw up a white flag and will sprint to my nearest convent.
AND.
I also hate you for your Match.com suggestion. Please see above reaction to your Ken suggestion and copy/paste it here.
BUT I love you to pieces. And am so exciting the contributing has begun. And please, feel free to send a hot, perfect duderino to pick me up at JFK sat. morning at 6am. :D
Thank you, I'm sorry, and you're welcome.
LOVESSSS,
me. obviously.