Honestly, How Do You Find The Time?

Mylifeissonotironic has a remarkable talent for finding men. Some of us (read: I) could be stranded on a desert island with an entire plane full of eligible bachelors and not manage to find one.

SO, I have decided to analyze her most recent conquest as a sort of learning/teaching tool.

Fashion Week. An incredibly hectic time for the models involved, consisting of weeks of running around non-stop to castings, fittings, shows, etc. I, in fact, barely saw my best friend during this time, because she hardly had a moment to breathe. As the week came to a close, and we finally had a chance to catch up, she informed me that she had a new pseudo-boyfriend. I'm sorry. WHAT??? WHO??? WHEN??? HOW???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66L1i54OOiE&feature=player_embedded

Front row. Box on the far left of the screen.

That, my friends, is, in the words of mylifeissonotironic, "how you get the mens."

So I'm gonna go grab a cardboard box from my recycling pile and stand on the corner. Anyone care to join?

You Look Like You Could Use This

A very dear friend of mine went to Walgreens the other evening for a couple key purchases; namely Diurex and diet pills.

As she went to check out, the guy behind the register asked her if she was interested in buying a Milky Way for 69 cents.

We couldn't help but die laughing. The cashier appeared to be a bit offended by this as his expression flickered between confusion and annoyance.

I'm sorry sir, but really?? Pray tell exactly what it was about my friend's purchases led you to believe she would be interested in a Milky Way.

He may want to reassess his target demographic.

Starting The Week Off Well

Two things of note happened to me this morning.

1. I went to spit out my gum on the sidewalk. I KNOW, I KNOW. Yes, I thought to myself: "That is so messed up, someone could step on it." But, I also thought to myself: "Ok, I never do this though, and look at all the gum that's already on the ground. I mean, I'm next to a high school for goodness sakes."

So I did it. Only, my gum spitting aim is apparently a little rusty slash non-existent, and instead of spitting it off to the side, I spit it out right in front of me. I almost walked on top of my own gum.

Got it.

2. Walking home from the gym, there were several times where I was annoyed by peoples' seeming inability to walk in a straight line. Once at home, walking into my apartment, I was responding to bbms at the same as I walked up the stairs. Apparently my path veered to the left. As I attempted to step up to the next level of the staircase, I found myself blocked. By the wall. Yup, I ran into my own wall.

Happy Monday!!!

No Need For Cold Feet!

Last night, over dinner at Mr. Chow in Tribeca, the conversation eventually and inevitably turned to comfy couchwear. Specifically, a discussion of the individual merits of footed pajamas and Snuggies.

While admitting that footed pajamas were basically amazing, I still stood by my ever-faithful Snuggie; though I had to admit that part of me (Ok parts... AKA my feet) was left a bit dissatisfied in Snuggieville.

Apparently, on the other coast, improbablygonnabeacatlady's feet were experiencing a similar sensation.

At 3am, she sent me an email that put my anxiety to rest. Apparently a new brand of couchwear has jumped into the ring.

My friends, we introduce to you the Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit:

http://videogum.com/archives/free_advertising/things_i_learned_from_the_hood_113851.html

Proving that sometimes, Jesus really does care.

Can We Go Back To The Beginning?

Hot guy in my class at Equinox! YESSSSS

Hot guy stands right next to me in class! YESSSSS

Hot guy has a very effeminate stance. Um ok, that can be altered.

Hot guy is possibly dating the male instructor of my class. Damn it.

Hot gay guy is much better at all the exercises than I am. Fine. I can match that. Maybe. Ouch. Kind of. Oof. Nevermind. Ugh.

Hot gay guy walks with me to the back of the room to grab weights. Sweet. Maybe we can be BFFs.

Hot gay guy stares at the weights I grab. F. Apparently we are not going to be BFFs. STOP JUDGING ME AND MY OVERALL ATHLETIC WEAKNESS.

This class went downhill quickly.

Street Meat Can Be Deadly

I made the mistake of stepping on the scale at Equinox this morning.

Walking down the street, pondering the number I had just seen, I failed to notice a bit of irregular oncoming traffic.

I almost got run over by a hot dog cart.

I don't know exactly what this means, but I am certain it is symbolic.

The World Is A Stage

I was talking to a friend of mine, trying to explain how I needed to be on a stage soon or I would seriously go crazy.

Monday I had three auditions. Two of them for films, one for theatre.

Film #1: Role of a sarcastic call-girl, guarded in relationships due to being molested by her father as a child

Film #2: An athletic girl, confused and disturbed, leads a double life without knowing it

Theatre piece: A comedy about sex, love and relationships

One pays decently, one pays slightly less than decently, and one is unpaid.

Guess which one cast me?

Thank you Universe for giving me a stage. Next time, if you wanted to throw in a paycheck while you were at it, that would be awesome. Yes? No? Maybe?

Right. Specifics. The bane of my existence.