Yesterday afternoon, I was privy to an electric altercation between an obnoxious hillbilly and a drunken hippie. Where does one see such a sight? On a US Airways flight, of course! As I watched these two disparate characters converse, I was struck with sudden inspiration.
The flight, up to that point, had been completely devoid of in-flight entertainment. The woman next to me remarked on the lack of televisions, and I nodded, adding a conspiratorial "I hate US Airways." To be fair, I hate all airlines that are not Jet Blue, Virgin or Alaska. Jet Blue gives you endless amounts of animal crackers, Virgin provides you with Colbert Report and Real Housewives, and Alaska serves up complimentary wine. This kind of entertainment was unavailable on this particular flight from Seattle to Phoenix.
Thank God a couple class-less souls decided to take action. Wherein lay the aforementioned inspiration? Well, when the incident occurred, I had an almost uncontrollable desire to ask the flight attendants if the altercation was staged.
I get it. In-flight programming, wi-fi, free snacks and booze... Those things are hardly cost-efficient. You know what is cost efficient? An actor. Actors do ridiculous things for a free lunch and always-promised-but-ne'er-received copy. If you offer them a free flight, they will literally do anything you ask them to do. Literally. Anything. In fact, there are so many attention-hungry souls in this great nation, that they would probably do it for peanuts. Honey roasted peanuts, to be specific.
Think it over airlines; this idea has wings.
Get it? Like how usually the saying is that something has legs, but we're talking about airplanes, so I said it has wings?
...
What started as a random act of raucous banter could one day become Shakespeare in the Sky. Hopefully my agent will be able to get me in the room.
Why were you flying to Phoenix??
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