Honesty is the Best Policy

Special overseas update from improbablygonnabeacatlady!!!

So, today, I got a massage before my flight tomorrow back to the good ol USA. I got it at my aunt's apt because she lives in an expat sort of serviced apt building here in Singapore. Unfortunately, her favourite masseuse left the spa so it was a new lady, Isabel, and I got to be a guinea pig.

When I checked in, I could already tell this lady was a total space cadet. She even walked into the effing room when I was undressing. WTF?!

Now, Asians are not known for their manners, esp. Singaporeans (I cannot tell you how many times I heard Chinese and Singaporean people burp out loud or in my face while they are talking to me).

So, when she was massaging my thighs and butt area she said, "you need to run."

I replied, "Excuse me?"

Isabel: "Your muscle here. It loose."

Me: "Well, I have been walking a lot here."

Isabel: "That not enough. You need to run. You exercise?"

Me: "No. I never exercise."

Isabel: "Yes. You need to. So you can make it tight. It loose now."

It could have been worse- she could have said other body parts were "loose." But you know I'm not like that...

Just when you thought her honesty stopped there, she let me know what's up again when she massaged my stomach area.

Isabel: *soft chuckle* "Oh, well you are still slim for not working out. Except for this-you have small tummy here."

Me: LAUGH. "Yes. I know."

Isabel: "Let me guess- you work. Then you eat. Then you go back to desk and sit down for long time. That's why you have that."

I laugh again, thinking that if she even knew the half of it (I am a professional horizontal eater- eating with a plate on my stomach while I'm laying on the couch watching TV), she would probably feel free to rip into me even more.

Isabel: "Well, at least you are still young and have time to fix."

I have never had a masseuse talk to me (annoying and unprofessional), but this time was pretty comical. I guess I can't fool her with my oversized t-shirts and pregnant dresses as I lay nakey on her table. She totally called me out.

The final backhanded compliment came when I was checking out of the spa and drinking my tea. She was staring at my face and said, "Pretty. You young and have beauty. But need to exercise. Fix it now."

So if you ever want someone to tell you what's wrong with your body (whether you already knew it or not), a real live "fat mirror" if you will, book a massage with Isabel in Singapore!