Amazing Roommate

I've been searching Craigslist for apartments. This is one of the many gems I stumbled upon:

$950 Kosher Female Roommate / Possible Living Girlfriend Wanted (Beverly Hills Adjacent)

I have one room available for rent in my 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment near Pico & Doheny Blvd. (Beverly Hills adjacent). The apartment is on the top floor “3rd”, so no noise from upstairs tenants. The building has an elevator. The bedroom is very spacious and currently has a twin bed, a large dresser with mirror, and a nightstand in it for your use. You also have your own bathroom. The laundry facility is on the street level of the complex. The balcony has a great view of Century City. Free wireless internet access is provided. Utilities “water & electricity” are included in the rent. Near bus lines, banks, 10 Freeway, kosher restaurants, markets, coffee shops, and parks. As for me, I am 41 years old male and very responsible, caring, and drama free. I have never been married and have no children. I love dogs, but don’t care to own one or have dog or cat hair all over my place, so please no pets. I like my peace and quite, but also enjoy the company of the right lady. My rules are no smoking, and that includes pot, no heavy drinking or loud noise. I would also prefer to live with someone who will help me do chores and help me keep the place pretty clean. I maintain a kosher kitchen, so it is absolutely necessary for you to abide by that, or at least be a vegetarian. This could either turn out to be a living girlfriend situation, or a totally platonic and professional roommate situation. It all depends on what we are more comfortable with. I am not going to respond to one-line messages. Please type “Amazing Roommate” in the subject line, so I know that you are not a spammer and you have read the entire post. If you can read this post, that means the room is still available.

Thank God I could still read the post. I think I found my new home.