"I don't believe in monogamy, but my wife doesn't believe in polygamy."
Pretty sure she also doesn't believe in you buying drinks for random girls at bars.
"Come sit over here."
"I'm fine right here, thanks."
"Your attitude problem only makes you that much more adorable."
Oh, I know.
"Where's your new place?"
"Beverly Hills"
"That's so not you - what are you doing living there?!"
Right. Because you've known me all of 3 and a half minutes. Thank you for your frank analysis. I should probably move now.
"You actually seem like a really cool chick. We'll see if it's for real."
Really?? You think so?? Omggg I feel so much better about my life now. Thank you for validating my existence. I only hope I can continue to live up to your obviously superior expectations.
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Meow.
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